If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck…

(June 4, 2010) So far, Jane has covered a plethora of topics and she recently realized she hasn’t really delved into love. Now, to be fair, love isn’t something that Jane shies away from, but it’s the discernment of what is actually true love that gives her pause.

Jane has the utmost reverence for someone who is young and fervently in love. Even she has experienced what could be dubbed as a first, young love. She has also experienced being undeniably, truly in love with another person — so far, only once. That said, Jane has come to learn that a first love is very different from a true love.

Of course, Jane has also had a few others tucked beneath the surface that smelled like love, that sounded like love — but in the end, simply allowed her to grow and learn, rather than fall and commit.

Over the years, she has found herself questioning the majority of the boys to whom she has given her time. Before she reflects upon what she has learned and grown from what she would otherwise claim as her “mistakes,” she sometimes finds herself regretting the time she wasted with them, instead of spending time with her friends.

At this point in the thought process though, a catch-22 is realized: she could have been on her own or with her girlfriends, not felt the disappointment she felt, not gone through the eye-opening experiences that she did while dating. But then another thought comes to mind: if she didn’t date who she has now claimed to be “duds” in her past life, she never would have realized the things she truly wanted, the kind of connection with someone that truly makes her happy. She never would have come to find what her limit is, what sort of things are forgivable and what sort of things are red flags for the kind of person someone truly is.

Jane has concluded that it takes at least a little more than a year to get to know someone. With friendships and with relationships, everyone puts their best foot forward to showcase the attributes they’d like to offer another. Over time, though, people err or simply get lazy, and who they really are shines through. Sometimes the person beneath the façade is even lovelier than Jane had imagined. Other times, that person uncovered might be better off playing the fool of someone else, or simply alone. Some people just may not be meant to be in a relationship.

There is an unspoken rule of love. It doesn’t have to be explained and certainly cannot be reasoned with. As Jane explores through her twenties, she keeps certain pieces of wisdom tucked away: don’t force love, don’t search for it and don’t stay with it until you truly feel that you’ve found it.